Know your Man

 

    I got bored waiting at my girlfriend house and saw her April Cosmo that caught my attention about an article featuring:  50 Ways to Seduce a Man (In a Minute or Less). Since there's nothing to read other interesting after browsing all of her magazine mostly cosmo mags, avon brochure, sara lee and some girl stuff. Just to kill  the time, I read the magazine thinking how predictable are men in the views of a woman. As I read and finish the article I thought "Wow, so this is what girls thinks of their man.."  Funny because One of the advice inspired my GF to try but I totally sucked and she just got mad and I ended up waiting  at sofa for over 30 minutes, reading... I would have thought “Consent” would be enough, but apparently Cosmo needed to dig deeper to know more about men... They are not that expert. If woman can pretend so was the men.
   I excerpt some of the advice based of my experience and the hilarious advice and response on some of woman's idea to man with my funny comments.  Enjoy! Here's some of that tip.

•  I had just bought this new perfume. I gave my guy a whiff, then challenged him to find the patch of my body where I had spritzed it.

   This game sucks. What you think of man, no sense of smelling? Well it's fun and  we can pretend we don't know where you spritzed that perfume, the sounds  you make when you tickled that will give us motivation to  be more playful.. so I will sniff all part of your body.. But please don't use your grandmas perfume....hehehe

•  Ask him to bring you a towel after your shower, so he can see you naked, dripping, and flushed.

    This happen to me.. I'm idiot .. get annoyed because I can't find the towel where she put it, she said in the drawer with her sexy voice but keep asking what drawer? where? and what color? the small one? or the one you use in your head? and she end up f*ck any color, just bring me the towel. Hearing the F word makes me mad so When I found the stupid towel I throw it to her and said "Next time don't forget to bring your towel, I don't know where you keep your things and don't shout or get it with yourself!".

• “My fiancé and I always run together, and one time on a quiet path, I told him to stop so I could tie my shoe. But when I kneeled down, I started giving him oral instead.”

 Hmmm.. Oral hygiene :P.. try to smell your mouth after that and don't ask me to kiss you. If you think its sexy for us.. you look stupid and idiot!  Did you realize how much of a sweat he had from running?

• Send him a naughty, fill-in-the-blank e-mail: “Tonight, I promise to _____ your ______ as soon as you walk in the door. Then I’ll give you a ______ for ______ minutes…” You see where we’re going with this, right?

 Now my answer  :  laundry , clothes and pants... hard massage , 240 .. hahaha see you are my slave now... lol.. or this   Cook … delicious dinner.... Bit of peace and quiet … 480... as in you will shut up your mouth and never say a word , just serve me as your master... hehehe

• I live on the fifth floor of a building, and one night, I wore a short skirt and lacy underwear, and then I walked up the stairs ahead of my guy. He practically tackled me by the time we got to my apartment.”

Fifth floor walk up? Are you sure that you are not exhibitionist and only flirting with your guy and no other prey staring at you?   Those have a lot of stairs, right?

•  Steal his phone, and quickly snap a pic of your cleavage or the inside of your thigh. When you see his jaw drop, you’ll know he’s stumbled upon it.

Go ahead do it  and  when he became your EX and he will forward it to all of his friends for revenge ...the next time you know you are internet sensation and you have your own sex scandals...

• Reach under the table at dinner and lightly outline the shape of his package, looking him dead in the eye the whole time.

 So creepy, staring him dead in the eye while sitting close enough to grab his crotch. Don't puzzled when you don't feel an erection because you remind him a zombie movies or the t.v. series walking dead.. :P

• “Once, I snuck into the dressing room at a store with my guy, threw him up against the wall, and kissed him. We went home and had sex immediately.”

Oh well ...in short be your slave??? so we need to come shopping with you and carry all those boxes to make love?

• Take the sexy-girl-next-door fantasy to a whole new level by meeting him at the front door wearing nothing but a pair of pigtails and his favorite baseball hat.

That’s not a whole new level. That’s the original level. Is that your  idea of  sexy-girl-next door fantasys or should I say the idea of your man being a PEDO in the future. 

• When you come back from the gym, walk right up to him and say, “The whole time I was on the treadmill, all I was thinking about was how much I wanted to go down on you.”

   It's like convincing your man need to lose weight to get more bj's  and slapping to his face that his ass is too fat and need to spend more time on treadmill to burn those extra pounds..

• Hide your turned-on vibrator in his sock drawer. When he figures out where the buzzing is coming from, tell him he gets to experience its pleasure power.

 HuuuWHAT!? …No!.  thanks. I'll pass to that!.... I don't want to use that thing.. Honest.. Not in my dreams... Just  forget that idea…